The Zipper

I love amusement parks and trill rides but there is one ride that I’ve decided that I hate and that is The Zipper.

For those of you that don’t know The Zipper is a ride that I’ve only seen at traveling carnivals. It’s basically a more demonic version of the Ferris Wheel.

It turns like a Ferris Wheel but each cart is a cage that spins.

I have been on this ride several times and each time the fear of dying on it washed across my mind.

The cages are normally rusty as fuck and they’re put together by Carnies who don’t have the best appearances or reputations.

They have a carnival in my home town every year and one of the girls I used to baby-sit was there and no one would go on with her so I offered.

This girl was a twig so our cage was lighter than if two adults  were on it and we spun like crazy.

It was fun and exciting while we were on the ride but as soon as we got off I felt extremely dizzy. So dizzy that I stumbled over to a bench and vomited behind it.

It wasn’t like a projectile vomit frenzy. It was just a few dry heaves and some foam.

This was and has remained the only time I ever puked from a ride.

I instantly became that guy that puked from The Zipper and vowed to never go on it again.

This year I happened to be back home for the annual carnival and my friend from high school asked me if I wanted to go on The Zipper. I declined and said that the last time I vomited so I was good.

She was shocked and reminded me of the first time I vowed to never go on The Zipper again.

Smash! As soon as we were loaded into the ride the Carnie slams the cage closed causing the lap bar to smash into and crush my junk.

The whole ride I was screaming not from the thrill but from the excruciating pain and the fear that I wouldn’t be able to have children. (I should probably get this checked out.)

The memory was so traumatizing I actually blocked it out.

I have decided that The Zipper is not worthy of a third strike. I vow right here on the internet that I will never go on The Zipper again.

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2 responses to “The Zipper

  1. I hear ya. That’s me and those demonic simulated motion rides. Seriously, they’re of the Devil.

  2. I think the one and only time I rode the Zipper was the one and only time I went to the Yarmouth Clam Festival like in ’84 or so and well back then I weighed like maybe 90 pounds and about the size of a 14 yr old not the 18 yr old I was and I truly almost slipped OUT the 8″ open section where your feet go!! I’m with you – do NOT care for that ride.

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