“You’re Catholic!”

Believe it or not I was raised Catholic. I’m sure that comes as a surprise to any of you who have read any of my previous posts or follow me on Twitter or Facebook. But honestly I went to church and was even Confirmed.

So what happened? Some say I’m possessed by an evil spirit. Some think I’m an atheist. I actually think being raised Catholic is the reason I stopped being Catholic if that makes any sense.

It all comes down to being taught that if you do bad things you’ll go to Hell. Simple enough, right?

That was pretty much the main thing preached by all of my Sunday School teachers over all the years and years of attending all those boring bullshit classes taught by poor volunteers who were really just unpaid babysitters. That was up until reaching the beginning of Confirmation classes.

Once the longer and twice as boring Confirmation classes started that’s where the church started pushing its abortion and anti-gay views. But I thought we were supposed to be kind to everyone? Now I’m supposed to start judging and shunning these people just because they live their lives in a way that has no harmful effect on me? That doesn’t make any sense.

Also during these Confirmation classes we had to fulfill a certain number of community service hours. That sounds like a great thing to do, right?

My teachers had arranged a trip to a nursing home for old nuns. They told us that we would be playing games and doing fun activities with the nuns. That didn’t sound too bad. It had fun built into the title.

When we got there they broke out board games and bowling sets to use with these nuns and all was fun and games. But then since I was one of the “good kids” my teacher escorted me over to one of the bed ridden fucked in the head nuns.

I know I probably sound like an asshole but I was scared shitless and I was left with this woman for what felt like an eternity. They gave me a ball but the woman was paralyzed and couldn’t use her hands or feet. Was I supposed to bounce it off her head? I tried to talk to her but all I got was demonic mumbling in return. As I said I was petrified. I wanted to run but needed those community service hours so I sat with her frightened while everyone else got to play with able nuns that weren’t going to give them nightmares.

Why would God do this to someone? Especially someone who lived her life serving him? Maybe she was one of those evil nuns. I still wanted to put her out of her misery. Would that really be considered something bad? According to the Catholic Church it would be. Thou shall not kill. There is no fine print.

And then of course there’s the whole kid fucking stuff and the cover up. Do I even have to go into that? Didn’t think so.

Then of course there are all the politicians, Jesus freaks, and terrorists that use religion as a weapon.

The lines started to get too blurry and one day I just stopped calling myself Catholic and started saying I believe in Robbism.

On a good day or bad day (depending on your views) I believe there is a God or higher power out there. I believe he/she/it has to have a sense of humor because of all the shit that happens in this world, and I believe that as long as what I do or say doesn’t cause anyone harm that I will go to Heaven or some spirit plane that is made up of candy and dead friends and relatives.


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