Cheap Frames and Magnetic Poetry

Awhile back Momma Webb gave me some cheap magnetic frames that she got from some form of dollar store that aren’t even strong enough to hold pictures in them. I almost threw them away but something made me hold on to them.

This past weekend while brunching with some of the most awesome people I know I was given some Erotic Magnetic Poetry because I’m “the only one who will appreciate it.”

Tonight while I was attempting to clean my apartment I found the frames and was so inspired that I have procrastinated cleaning my apartment once more.

This first one would be an awesome band name.

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Can’t take credit for the next one because the words came stuck next to one another.

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And I thought I sucked at poetry!

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Maybe I should rotate the frame on this one?

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These were also already stuck together. As were rim and job. Coincidence?

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Next one was inspired by the TV show Six Feet Under.

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Another great band name? Can you tell I really hate cleaning?

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That’s it, adding poet to my resume.

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Movie Review: Man of Steel

It was just OK. The main issue I had with it was the pacing. It’s two hours and twenty-three minutes and it felt it. In my opinion they could have left out a lot. I feel the same way about Jor-El putting Kal-El in the spaceship and sending him to earth while Krypton explodes as I do with Uncle Ben getting killed in the Spiderman movies; we’ve seen it too many times. Sure the planet exploding looked really cool but the whole 20 minutes before it was unnecessary. We know the baby gets sent off in the ship or there would be no rest of the movie. If you want to make a movie about Krypton make a prequel and make it original, don’t steal The Matrix’s whole baby pods thing. And the whole Jor-El rides a dragon-like-creature was a little over the top. There were also way too many Clark risked being found out by saving someone from dying flashbacks. We get it, he’s an exhibitionist and can’t help saving people while others watch! The ending was also dragged out and could have been cut drastically. It felt a little Godzilla or even Power Rangery with characters just tossing each other around and destroying the scenery. I really did like Cavill and Adams in the lead roles and they did a great job with the material that they were given, which could have been better. And my Lois Lane would never say, “tinkle.”

That Time When My Father Thought My Mother Poisoned Him

Let me start off by saying that I love my parents. That being said they do have their flaws. Momma Webb acts a little crazy sometimes and Poppa Webb goes from happy to rage in 6 seconds. Because of this I have nicknamed them Crazy and Angry and call them the 8th and 9th dwarfs. Poppa Webb finds it humorous, Momma Webb not so much.

Momma Webb used to cook when we were younger but once us kids grew up and got lives and Poppa Webb started working nights meals were normally bought or nuked in the microwave. We also started calling her the Microwave Queen. ( I don’t see myself getting a “World’s Greatest Son” mug anytime soon.)

Anyway, out of the kindness of her heart and as an attempt to get my father to eat a little healthier she started making and packing him a lunch.

Not very long after this started my father came home angry and asked my mother what she put in the sandwich she made him. She said it was just chicken salad.

“How old was the mayo?”

“I just bought it.”

“Did you put it in the fridge after you opened it?!”

“It was brand new. I just opened it!”

“It made me sick. I’ve never had to shit so bad in my life!”

“What else did you eat?”

“Nothing, that’s all I ate.”

“Maybe it was just bad.”

“I did have some candy.”

“What candy?”

“Just some candy Julie (my sister) bought me.”

“Was it sugar free?”

“It didn’t taste like it.”

“How much of it did you eat?”

“The whole bag.”

Not too long before this I had warned them of a similar situation I had. Those of you that follow me on Twitter (@RobbWebb3) may know that I have a coworker with diabetes that I now call Sugar Slut or Chang Chang Sugar Slut. I bought her a bag of sugar free Lifesavers to attempt to get her to cut down on her ridiculously high sugar intake. She insisted on sharing them with me and they taste exactly like the ones with sugar.

The next time I was at the store I decided that I was going to be good and bought myself a bag of these semi-better-for-you treats. And since I am my father’s son and have my fatkid inside me I ate most of the bag. I had some self-control and didn’t finish it but I had enough.

Enough that I felt a rumbling in my stomach and knew that if I didn’t get to a toilet fast I was going to literally shit my pants.

Apparently most sugar free candy has an itty bitty warning on them that if eaten like fucking candy (What else would you eat it like?) if may have a laxative effect or make you shit your fucking pants if you aren’t in the vicinity of a toilet.

Needless to say I got a phone call from Momma Webb where she laughed like a crazy person about how my father thought she was trying to kill him because he didn’t listen to my story and ate a whole bag of sugar free candy my sister got him.

The Perks of Working in Hospice

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This pic was sent to me by someone special who works in hospice. Their coworker said, “I hope they used a different oven.” Happy Valentine’s Day!

Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion

I first learned about this book after I found out they were turning it into a movie. I love zombies but was a little skeptical at first because of the whole “it’s Twilight with zombies” comments floating around the net but after hearing that Simon Pegg gave it a rave review and reading Isaac Marion’s hilarious bio on IMDB, “Isaac Marion was born in north-western Washington in 1981 and has lived in and around Seattle his whole life, working a variety of strange jobs like delivering deathbeds to hospice patients and supervising parental visits for foster-kids. His is not married, has no children, and did not go to college or win any prizes. Warm Bodies is his first novel.” (It has since been edited.) I decided that it may be worth my time. And it totally was. After getting over the initial shock that it is written in the 1st person and finding it hard to believe that our main character, R, is a zombie with these extensive thoughts, I accepted it and flew through the book. And it wasn’t long until I found myself rooting for R. It was a really quick and fun read and has an interesting new twist on the cause of the zombie apocalypse. My only complaint was that the end comes really fast and left me wanting more.

Les Miserables

I was introduced to Les Miserables by my Nana Webb’s old cassette tapes of the original production. My favorite song was Master of the House (because of the curse words, obviously) but since I was wicked little and had no pubes I totally adopted There is a Castle on a Cloud as my jam and would sing it all the time. That being said I never actually saw the play or really paid attention to what it was all about. To be honest I was disappointed. I think something was lost from stage to screen and wasn’t completely blown away. I will however say that Anne Hathaway was amazing. Not only did she sound phenomenal but her acting while doing so was unbelievable that the combination of the two gave me chills. I expected Hugh Jackman to deliver and he did but I didn’t expect Russell Crowe to be as good as he was. I love Helena Bonham Carter and she was a scene stealer as always and I pity Sacha Baron Cohen for having to share most of his scenes with her because he did a fine job but she pulled my focus. Overall it wasn’t bad but didn’t live up to the play’s hype or my expectations.

Skyfall

I enjoyed it up until the ending. It was very anticlimactic. All that build up and then the final moments from the final showdown were just too easy. It was so intense and then ended with a, “That’s it?” I did really like the intro of Q and it was so badass to see M get some action. Daniel Craig has more than proven himself as Bond. Javier Bardem also really knows how to play a creepy villain but completely different from his villain in No Country for Old Men. It was also nice to see Naomie Harris back up on the big screen. The film was 10 times better than Quantum of Solace (that’s not really saying much) but not as good as Casino Royale.